With the advent of social media, social interaction has paradoxically decreased. Likewise, with the advent of google, we have become far less inclined to query our family or friends. With the advent of ChatGPT… Well, what do you think will happen?
Thankfully, the world is just now empirically awakening to the dangers of our shift towards an online world. Don’t get me wrong, I am the biggest advocate of an online future —it will take us skyrocketing through any precomposed boundaries our ancestors may have placed upon our species.
But there are dangers. And those are evident. Our online orientation has led to never-before-seen levels of loneliness, depression, antisocial behaviors, and an array of detrimental developments that we have only just begun to foresee.
In this article I argue yet another danger of a societal online orientation: a diminishment of lessons from strangers, thereby causing the greater erosion of modern wisdom.
Thus far, the discussion of the I in AI has revolved around knowledge. In defining “Intelligence” within AI, modern AI systems have expanded to cover the whos, whats, whens, wheres, and hows of the world. Yet, notably, they cannot and will not ever be able to answer the whys of the world. The “why” is, as is wisdom, uniquely human.
The best way to answer the whys of the world is through others, specifically, lessons from strangers.
Table of Contents
Introduction: A Lesson From A Stranger
The other day, I found myself listlessly wandering down Shahid Bhagat Singh Road in Mumbai. Home to the Colaba Market, the air was thick. My eyes told me this was a result of the hazed air, while my nose argued on the behalf of the incoming rain, and my ears offered up the persistent traffic as rationale.
It was mid-afternoon. I was running on next to no sleep and far too many samosas. While I was authentically happy, I am certain my face failed to portray this and, instead, opted for a pitiful look of sour exhaustedness. Nevertheless, that’s when Eduardo chose to approach me.
A small, wiry boy of 19, his shirt reminded me of a kid draping a bed sheet over themself to transform into a ghost during Halloween. This, combined with his bare feet, rolled up jeans, and, admittedly out-of-place, impeccably combed hair combined for quite an intriguing figure.
I had spent the morning parading through the touristy area of the city and had grown accustomed to turning down strangers with less-than-ideal intentions.
Yet Eduardo donned quite the, what I perceived to be authentic, smile. I bit and smiled back.
“My friend, where are you from?”
“The US”, I replied curtly, still expecting a sales pitch.
Eduardo then spent the next five minutes walking by my side, raving about how obsessed he was with the “best country to ever exist”. I, on the other hand, spent those five minutes trying my best to suppress a perceivable eye roll.
“Where are we going?”, he asked inquisitively.
“We?”, I thought to myself, but mumbled out the truth: that I was looking for a special, Indian Darjeeling tea to bring back to my wife.
My high guard was instantly unlocked when Eduardo whipped out his phone and plugged in the location of a store he knew had the tea. In doing so, I also caught the glimpse of his screen saver: an image of the Marine Corps War Memorial.
Recognizing that I had been an ignorant asshole up until that point, I was struck with curiosity.
“What are you up to today?”, I asked with genuine inquisitiveness.
“Learning”, he said through a toothy smile.
I raised a questioning eyebrow, which is a gesture that apparently transcends American-Indian cultural boundaries in communication.
“I just got off work. I deliver mail for a few hours every morning until 1:00, and then I just find people to talk to.”
Through a bit of probing I learned that Eduardo, while happy in and proud of his native Mumbai, had aspirations to live all over the world.
“When I talk to people, I practice living in other places”, Eduardo remarked as though it was matter-of-fact.
I thought that was anything but.
Lessons from Strangers: Defining Wisdom
At that moment, I knew that, despite his age, Eduardo was a wise man. This was reinforced only seconds later when we reached our destination, and after snapping a quick picture, he called out a “Hallo meine Freunde”. After saying our goodbyes, Eduardo seamlessly peeled off to go talk to a group of four Germans that he had apparently previously encountered.
I never got to asking Eduardo himself, but I reckon that he was not just simply wise, but rather, he also knew what wisdom was. While clearly being a commodity, wisdom in today’s age is also a necessity. It is a characteristic of much desire, yet few can truly define wisdom.
Lessons from Strangers and Science
Being happy is hard. 62% of Americans value happiness above all else.
Leading a meaningful life is also hard. 25% of Americans value a meaningful life above all else.
Traditionally, psychology has dichotomized hedonism1 vs eudaemonism2. However, recently, psychologists have introduced a third possibility to fulfillment: “psychological richness”. This is remarkably unsurprising to philosophers, who more or less have called this “wisdom” for millenia.
Psychological richness refers to experiencing events in life that create a marked change in your perception of life or its meaning. Importantly, this signals that both good and bad life happenings compose one’s potential psychological richness.
Interestingly, (and kudos to you if you have done the math already), psychological richness accounts for 13% of Americans’ ultimate desire and these numbers are generally similar across a multitude of other cultures. This indicates that the pursuit of wisdom is in high demand.
Every view of fulfillment has its own, necessary resource. For people striving to be happy, these resources come in a physiological sense (such as sunshine, a good book or movie, and good food) or in a psychological sense (free of stress, many friends, and a healthy family).
Those searching for a meaningful life may seek money, responsibility, or a successful family.
For those searching for a psychologically rich wise life, it is surprisingly simple: experiences.
They don’t even have to be good experiences. Bad experiences are just as capable of promoting change as good experiences.
According to famed psychologists Shigehiro Oishi and Erin C. Westgate, psychological richness is comparable to the ability to, at the end of your life, say “Wow, what a journey.”
Lessons from Strangers: Crafting Wisdom
Briefly, to maximally utilize experiences to formulate wisdom, I would urge us to do three things. These three strategies, unironically, correspond to the three categories of this blog:
- Studying Cultures helps us to metaphorically find new doors. These doors are opportunities for new experiences.
- Asking Why helps us to ensure we transform experiences to wisdom, as “why” forces us to challenge our beliefs.
- While these two are crucially important to the process of wisdom, Lessons from Strangers are undoubtedly the strongest.
Lessons from Strangers: The Stranger Advantage
By learning from others, we amplify the amount of wisdom that we may earn from experiences. This is because we do not necessarily need to use our own experiences to learn from them. For instance, if a friend touched a hot stovetop and recoiled in pain, I doubt that you would be too eager to follow suit. Likewise, if a friend told you about a really tasty new ice cream place in town, that knowledge would be yours, even if it wasn’t earned through your own experience.
The same can be said about wisdom. Yes, it is true that there is nothing more powerful than your own experience. But this is simply because your own experiences are easier to transform into wisdom. It does not mean that the experiences of others may not be used too. When we open ourselves up to lessons from strangers, we amplify our ability to experience life.
That being said, why strangers? -and how do we learn from them?
1. The necessary tools for wisdom develop when we take lessons from strangers.
Skills such as empathy, communication, and emotional intelligence are integral to finding opportunities for wisdom. These skills come about most readily when we interact with people different from us, those who are more likely to give us new perspectives on life. In turn, these skills allow us to make the most of our experiences, as well as the the experiences of others. Rooted by a deep understanding of fellow beings overall, we are best able to take advantage of lessons from strangers.
2. Taking lessons from strangers allows us to harness experiences other than our own.
If novel experiences are the key to building wisdom, it makes sense to pursue as many novel experiences as you can. Why limit yourself to just a single person’s experiences when there are 8.3 billion of us?
Furthermore, strangers are less likely to share things in common with us. They are less likely to be part of “our crowd”, and so they are less likely to have the same perspectives on life as we are. Functionally meaning, strangers have more potential for their experiences to be tapped because the odds of their experiences (and perspectives) being novel are much higher than the odds we find when speaking to our friends and family.
3. Interacting with strangers allows us to optimally use our new experiences to craft wisdom.
When we meet someone new, we are akin to a blank canvas. This limitless comfortability allows us to try out parts of our personas that are perhaps under-represented in our everyday lives. In doing so, it allows for us to even discover new parts within ourselves.
Additionally, wisdom is only solidified when practiced. When practicing new skills, who better to practice those skills with than from the person you learned them from? By trying out new perspectives with the person from which you learned them, you are given a free pass in case those perspectives do not suit you.
***Lessons from Strangers: An Action Plan
Step 1: Begin with a Simple Gesture: Acknowledge Strangers in Your Day-to-Day
- Intention: Start opening up to the people around you, even in the smallest ways.
- Try This: Smile at the person you pass on your morning walk. Say “hello” to the barista at your café or ask your neighbors how their day’s going. These small actions warm you up to the world outside yourself and begin the process of taking lessons from strangers.
Step 2: Practice Seeing People as Complex Stories
- Intention: Cultivate empathy and curiosity by paying close attention to the people you encounter.
- Try This: Next time you’re waiting somewhere or walking through a crowd, pick someone who catches your eye and imagine their life story. Think about their values, ambitions, or the choices that led them there. It’s a quiet reminder of how everyone’s life has a richness we might not see. Even though it’s not the final desire, building the skill of empathy is an indirect way to practice or observe new lessons from strangers.
Step 3: Seek Out the “Locals” of Any Place You Visit
- Intention: Learn something new by talking to those who know the place well.
- Try This: Whether you’re at a local park, a museum, or even a neighborhood market, strike up a conversation with someone there who knows it well. Ask them to share something unique about the place. You’ll walk away with a story or insight, something far richer than a map or guidebook could give.
Step 4: Ask “Why” to Get Below the Surface
- Intention: Move past the small talk by getting to know someone’s “whys.” This is one of the premier strategies to take advantage of lessons from strangers.
- Try This: When someone shares something about themselves, instead of just nodding along, ask why. Why did they choose this job, this city, this hobby? Why does it matter to them? This question opens doors to understanding what makes them who they are.
Step 5: Dip Your Toes into New Waters
- Intention: Get out of your usual spaces and into ones where different perspectives thrive.
- Try This: Attend an event, join a class, or spend a day in a new part of town. Make it a goal to strike up a conversation with at least one stranger. You’re venturing into the unknown, and that’s where wisdom finds you.
Step 6: Reflect on What You Learn from Each Encounter
- Intention: Transform encounters into solidified and authentic lessons from strangers, and thereby lasting wisdom.
- Try This: Keep a small notebook or note app on hand, and after each meaningful conversation, jot down something you learned. How did their story influence yours? Reflection is how experiences take root and become part of you.
Step 7: Make It a Weekly Habit
- Intention: Seek lessons from strangers as a regular part of your life.
- Try This: Dedicate a specific day each week to having one meaningful conversation with someone new. You could even choose monthly “themes”—from learning about different professions to hearing travel stories.
Step 8: Bring Friends Along for the Journey
- Intention: Share the joy of learning lessons from strangers.
- Try This: Invite a friend to join you for one of your encounters. Not only will you deepen your own experience, but you might also inspire others to see the world with more curiosity and openness.
Conclusion: Lessons From Strangers
In the heart of Mumbai, Eduardo reminded me of something so simple yet so easily forgotten in the rush of modern life: wisdom lies in the unfamiliar. His openness, his habit of “practicing” life in other places through conversations with strangers, and his seemingly boundless curiosity were more than just quirks—they were keys to a fuller, richer life. Through him, we see that wisdom doesn’t require age or titles; it’s about being brave enough to connect with people beyond our circles. It’s about learning from each unique perspective we encounter and allowing those lessons to shape us.
Meeting Eduardo was a small moment, but one that echoes in every interaction we have with strangers, each a door to a new understanding. He truly personifies the title of this section Learning from Strangers.
So, the next time you’re caught off guard by someone unexpected, remember Eduardo’s quiet wisdom and the transformative power of simple conversation. Seek out those little moments of exchange; you never know what piece of wisdom might be waiting for you.
